My Lover's Gone
by DCCDchick
Summary: Bella remembers her time with Edward before she jumps. Started on as a one-shot but now will have three parts
1. My Lovers Gone

My Lover's Gone

Bella remember her time with Edward before she jumps. Short, one-parter, songfic

The Song is _My Lover's Gone_ by Dido. The italics are flash backs to the book, which I summarized. Enjoy!

I stood at the edge of the cliff, my heart pounding. I wanted this. I want to jump from the top. I wanted to hear Edward's scolding voice as I fell and flew though the air. I knew it was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had ever done, but I need to fill that hole Edward left in me.

_**My lover's gone  
his boots no longer by my door  
he left at dawn  
and as I slept I felt him go  
Returns no more  
I will not watch the ocean  
My lover's gone  
no earthly ships will ever bring him home again  
bring him home again**_

He left me.

_'Edward pulled me along the forest. I followed unwillingly. I could still see the house when we stopped. Edward leaned against a tree, expression unreadable._

_"Bella were leaving. It's time." I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant. I shook my head, trying to clear it. _

_"I'm no good for you, Bella." _

_"I don't want you to come with us, Bella." _

_"It will be as if I'd never existed. My knees started to shake. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears. His voice sounded far away. _

_"Don't worry. You're human- your memory is no more then a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." He took a step away from me. He was gone. I followed him into the forest. There were no footprints, the leaves were still. I stopped looking for him. I was over. _

_Love, life, meaning…over. He wasn't returning.'_

I stepped on to the edge. I need to hear his voice. There it was.

"Bella."

_**My lover's gone**_

_**I know that kiss will be my last  
no more his song**_

_**The tune upon his lips has passed**_

_**I sing alone**_

_**While I watch the ocean**_

_Yes? _I thought to myself.

"Don't do this," He pleaded. You shouldn't have left.

'_He put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up. _

_The kiss began as usual- Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled in his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. _

_"Sorry," he said as he pushed me away and I collapsed onto the pillow. "That was too out of line. Now, stop pushing your luck and go to sleep." I really did feel exhausted. It had been a long day in so many ways, yet I felt no sense of relief as it came to its end. Almost as if something worse was coming tomorrow._

_I was half way asleep, maybe more, when I realize what that kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when he'd had to leave me to throw James of the trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when –or if- we would see each other again. This kiss had the same painful edge for some reason I couldn't imagine.' _

_**My lover's gone**_

_**No earthly ships will ever bring him home again**_

_**Bring him home again**_

_**My lover's gone**_

_**His boots no longer by my door**_

_**He left at dawn**_

_**And as I slept I felt him go**_

_**Returns no more**_

_**I will not watch the ocean**_

_You wanted me to be human. Well, Watch me._

"Please. For me." It was just a whisper on the wind. I rolled onto the ball of my foot.

"No, Bella!" He was angry now. I smiled and raised my arms out to the side. I leaned forward and flew.

_**My lover's gone**_

_**No earthly ships will ever bring him home again**_

_**Bring him home again**_

_**  
**_


	2. In The Arms of An Angel

After Bella jumps, she's still thinking about Edward

After Bella jumps, she's still thinking about Edward. The Song is called In the Arms of an Angel by Sara Mclachlan

I flew.

Through the air, through my memories, through my future. I was weightless, carried forward by the wind, and pull toward the Earth by gravity. It felt like I would fall forever. _Ironic_, I thought, _weightless and pulled toward an object beyond my control._ It was how I felt when I was around _him._

_**Spend all your time waiting for that second chance  
For the break that will make it ok  
There's always some reason to feel not good enough  
And it's hard at the end of the day **_

I was silly to think I would ever be good enough.

_**  
I need some distraction oh beautiful release  
Memories seep from my veins  
They may be empty and weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight  
**_

Falling was my distraction. The memories flooded me. The pain was exponential. But I felt empty and weightless. The feeling was nauseating. Maybe, just maybe, I would fall forever.

_**  
In the arms of an Angel fly away from here  
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear  
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here  
**_

The wind picked up, and it felt as if someone was carrying me away. My spirit was carried away with the wind, away from my cold, dark shell of a body. _Please,_ I pleaded silently, _Please, just wrap your arms around me._

_**  
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn  
There's vultures and thieves at your back  
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies  
That you make up for all that you lack  
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time  
It's easier to believe  
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness  
That brings me to my knees **_

I was tired of pretending I was ok. I was tired of focusing on making everyone believe it. I was tired of lying. But most of all, I was tired of searching for these escapes. The pain was killing me, slowly. I needed it to end.

One way or the other.

_**In the arms of an Angel fly away from here  
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear  
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here**_

_**  
**_Any second I would hit the raging water. Maybe, just maybe, I would never resurface. But I knew the waves would wrap their cold arms around me, and I would find comfort in that death.

My fingers touched the water. This was it.


End file.
